In 2011, I stood with over 2,000 fellow Durham residents as we symbolically married our city. I officiated the ceremony at the corner of Geer and Foster Streets—an intersection that once represented Durham’s struggles but had become a symbol of its revitalization. We took vows to support local artists, protect our environment, celebrate diversity, and uplift each other. Fourteen years later, Durham has changed. The skyline is filled with new developments, incomes have risen, and the population has grown rapidly. Some fear we’re losing the very soul we once pledged to love. This column is my reflection on that day, our shared commitment, and a call to renew our vows to the city we still cherish—even if it means we need a little marriage counseling.

What’s the best way to tell your city I love you? 

Do you plant flowers in notable places to signify endless love? 

Do you show up on bended knees to confess a season of neglected commitment?  

On Saturday, March 19, 2011, more than 2,000 Durham residents took vows to Marry Durham.  

We gathered on the corner of Geer and Foster Streets, where Fullsteam Brewery, Motorco Music Hall, Geer Street Garden and Cocoa Cinnamon solidified the budding of a revived public perception regarding life in Durham.  

I remember the intersection after getting lost on my first day in Durham. There were prostitutes and drug dealers on both sides of Geer Street. A male prostitute approached me with an offer to conduct business for $20. 

I quickly departed with a mental note to avoid the corner in the future. Twenty years later, I returned to officiate the ceremony celebrating our love for Durham. 

Many of us embraced the Dirty Durham moniker expressing pride in the gritty edges distinguishing Durham from neighboring triangle areas with commercialized and cookie cutter images.  

“I commit to cherish diversity by celebrating the contributions made by so many in Durham. I promise to keep our streets clean and to do all I can to make them safe,” I read as residents accepted vows. “I vow to show love for Durham by shopping locally and by protecting our natural resources.” 

The brides and grooms committed to support local artists by purchasing their art, to participate in local government by voting and holding elected leaders accountable, to promote the strengths of Durham rather than to demean and destroy when disagreeing with the actions of others. 

The event grossed $25,000 to support the Eno River Association, Latino Community Development Center, Scrap Exchange, Walltown Children’s Theater and Genesis Home. 

Things have changed in Durham since residents proclaimed their love. Novus, One City Center, Liberty Warehouse, Foster on the Park Apartments, Becon, West Village and other downtown dwellings are part of a housing boom resulting in an estimated 24,380 people living downtown. According to Point2Homes, a real estate listing website, the average annual household income in Downtown Durham is $94.360. 

In 2011, Durham had a population of 231,998. Currently, it’s 306,495 with projections from the North Carolina Office of State Budget and Management reaching 368,302 by July 2029. 

Some residents fear Durham is growing too fast. A city once known for being gritty and diverse feels much different from when we stood together to love, honor and respect all that makes Durham a great place to live. 

“Durham has been through a lot since we married our city, and, like many relationships, we have had our ups and downs,” said Mark Lee, one of the wedding coordinators. “Back then we were talking about gentrification, education needs, the rise of gangs, the prison to school pipeline and the high cost of apartments and housing and we wanted to protect our environmental treasures.” 

Lee said, like any marriage, the commitment is in sickness and in health. 

“We were also highlighting some of the positives like our music and theatre communities and our foodie culture and our sports franchises like the Durham Bulls and our collegiate athletics at Duke and NCCU and the amazing scientific developments by our hospitals and research facilities,” said Lee. 

Angie M. Santiago, another wedding coordinator, said, from a music perspective, Marry Durham was lighting in a bottle. 

“Our four stages at Blue Steel, Motorco, Fullsteam, and Lloyd’s Lounge featured traditional Latino folklore and R&B hip-hop line dancers, poetry slams, bluegrass, rock, hip-hop featuring Pierce Freelon, and Grammy Award winner Justin Robinson,” said Santiago. “Durham doesn’t look like it did 14 years ago. However, we still have a strong creative and arts community.” 

Fullsteam Brewery shared hosting the reception with people packing the streets 

“2011 was such a honeymoon period that it’s not surprising that the initial passion and excitement has faded. Things change; relationships evolve,” said Sean Lily Wilson, chief executive optimist at Fullsteam Brewery. “While I have no intention of parting ways, from time to time we ask ourselves: is this all there is? Or can we get that spark back by reminding ourselves why we fell in love in the first place?” 

I placed a ring in Frank Stasio’s nose as a symbol of our communal dedication. Stasio, former host of National Public Radio’s The State of Things, hosted the ceremony. Wool E. Bull, mascot of the Durham Bulls minor league baseball team, stood with us to witness of our union. 

“It was a little corny, but also great,” said Nicole Baxter, one of the many who married Durham. “We chose Durham and pledged our dedication to the city when everyone else rejected her. Loved it.” 

As Mayor Bill Bell, State Senator Michael Woodard, County Commissioners Brenda Howerton and Ellen Reckhow and School Board member Minnie Forte Brown joined the masses as we held hands. 

“As we take time to gaze at the city we love so much, we proclaim that love. We begin by sharing our love with each other,” I offered in the benediction. “We pause now to share our love by finding a person. A person you have never met. Share your love for the city and the people who make this your happy home.” 

Wilson has questions regarding our relationship with Durham. 

“I’m not sure. I’ll keep trying. After all, I’m only going to marry one city in my lifetime,” said Wilson. “But I do worry that it’s not me, it’s you.”